India....a parody (Part I)

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"Moooooo”

~ Indian holy cow on India

“People of India, people of the Rainbow Nation, people of the world [..].”

~ Ravi Shastri doesn't want the audience confused to who he is talking, just bleeding at the ears.

“It smells like shit and the people look like monkeys.”

~ Major Archibald Stiffy on his adventures in India

Location....

Facts and Figures.....

Capital--- New Deli

Previous capital-- Deli

Official Languages-- Sanskrit, Hindi, Telugu, English, Marathi + 10^100 other languages

Unofficial Languages-- Bambaiyya, Bhojpuri, Gulti, Inglis

Worst Language-- Malayalam (it means the same even when read backwards)

Most Deadly Language-- Classical Tamil

National Heroes-- Me, Amitabh Bacchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Ashoka, Clement Attlee, Mr. India, Krishh, Gandhi, Buddha

Religion-- Everything known to man

Declaration of Independence-- still trying

Population--

India is an imaginary place far, far away, home to Outsour Singh (OUTSOURCING), Bollywood, and a gazillion people. The very name means "the wrong side of the river" given to it by those posh downtown Persians who used to stare at it down the ravines of the Hindu Kush.

India is also the Manhattan of Asialand. It is the big huge melting pot where everything that ever enters it melts down to an ever increasing experience of cultural madness and confusion.

This strange complementary yet totally non-unitable features has made India the universal home of mysticism and ludicrousy.

HISTORY

This is presented as C because all educated Indians are computer programmers. All the uneducated ones are people like you.)

The History of India is an iterative function with the following structure:

char History_of_India(int residents = Dravidians) {

int intruders;

char Indian_history[ENDLESS];

wend{

intruders = Hindukush::read_stack();

if (intruders==0, Intruders = British Empire);

working_their_way_down_the_ganges(intruders);

Indian_history += Squabble(residents,intruders);

residents += intruders;

}while t==1

return Indian_history

}

Unfortunately this function - as with all other kinds of Indian logic - hangs up in an infinite loop.

MODERN HISTORY

The Europeans saw India and decided they wanted it. Then, one bald man said that we must not fight for independence. His idea was that this would confuse the British, even though he was employed by the British. This plan worked, and ended up not only confusing the British, but Indians and the rest of the World

Later, after the population in India exploded, each each person was allotted 5 triangle meters of space for living. Here's an interesting fact: Seven years ago, every 7th person in the world was an Indian, today every 6th person is an Indian and in 10 years every 5th person will be an Indian and very soon 'everyone will be an Indian'. This is a very ingenious idea to attain world domination.

There's more.......to be continued......