27th December, I was returning to my home, I had to dash (after getting an ultimatum from home, anyone would......) this rush was augmented by the ‘sub-zero’ gush that hit my face like a punch, left my face covered with a layer of ice (I thought so) and reflexively induced in my mind an image in which I had turned into an Ice-Cream and the stray dogs were licking me, so would happen if I delayed further.
Therefore, I started satisfactorily early and was happy that I would reach on time.......but ‘Bhagwan jab deta hai, chhappar phad kar deta hai’......even the quandaries......
Kanpur, the Manchester of Northern India, is the ‘magnum opus’ of mismanagement. It is perennially and whole heartedly there to problemize every errand. Me and my friends booked a two-seater for the bus stand. But that 20 min ride took exactly 67 minutes. Why!!???...... Our steps forward to the destination were blighted by the Muharram procession on the very ‘wide and spacious’ streets of Kanpur.
Religion is a strong incentive for doing anything, anywhere, anyroad without an iota of external objection. They were there......on the streets with flail like things, thongs, whips, barbed wire, fire and other noxious things and the Police present there so that it goes on slickly. Blood dripping from their backs.....skin, flesh and blood had assorted into one.....mourning and imitating the sufferings which (..............) underwent some (........) years ago (ahem...my history was always awful!!!!). I suffer IN THE NAME OF GOD. They were doing the most gruesome things (which made Shakespeare call Lady Macbeth a ‘Shameless Fiend’) to themselves (disqualifying themselves from Human community), which I wouldn’t even do to my Maths teacher (OH GOD!! I hate her more than anyone......phew!). If you were a ‘kafir’ you could turn your face away but if you were one of them, NO VIEWER DISCRETION, even if you were a six year old and have just learned how to not pee on the bed while sleeping.
Whatever, we somehow crawled out of that uncensored bloodbath after several close shaves with other vehicles. But the driver stopped this side of the flyover (with the bus stand on the other side) because the flyover was blocked by the Police due to Muharram processions so we had to walk it. The idea seemed feasible for a second but when you have a bag full of dirty laundry on your back and you are returning after one month you need some extraordinary incentive to do that. Even Edmund Hillary wouldn’t have needed more impetus than we needed at that second. In that cold breeze coupled with starvation, the warm bed in my room and mom’s food were magnets enough to make me ascend.
Finally we were on that bus to Lucknow. It slowly stuffed with passengers. The driver entered the bus, sat on his seat, spat his pan masala out of the window (the incorrigible habit of about a million Indians) and twisted the ignition key. When we reached the bridge over River Ganga, several people bowed their heads to the river and two men took out a one rupee coin and threw it out into the river!!.....just like that......which they would’ve hesitated to give to a beggar in need took almost no time to take the coin out and bury it in that deep water.....whom did they give it to??.....the river??,the fish?? They gave it to no one. God..... (if is present) never asked for it!!! Such kind of people are drowning India’s money before everyone and no one’s stopping them (undoubtedly, the best fooling machine award goes to!!!-----RELIGION***Applause***). 43 men were on that bus. 2/43 drowned 2 rupees. Now you are good enough at probability (m not) to calculate the net amount of money drenched every day in the rivers throughout India. Law says destroying currency is a crime......if you see someone deliberately spiflicating currency notes, you could sue him in the court......but what if you see someone drowning it in a river where it would lie fallow??.......it would just vanish without any clue. There’s no law for this probably because it is backed by a powerful force....RELIGION. IN THE NAME OF GOD, I throw this coin in this river. ‘I PROMISE TO PAY THE BEARER THE SUM OF ...........’ is written on the currency notes......but under what criterion that river the bearer of that sum!!?? We don’t think about the river when we pour our sludge into it putting the whole aquarium at stake!!
Whatever, at the end of the day I’m at my home....in my warm, cosy bed. All this has been happening and will keep on occurring. Faith and patriotism are the most potent tools which anyone could use to make his ends meet. People can do anything if you stir the prospects of faith in them. We can only be thankful to the initiators of such practices that they didn’t start any grimmer or more slipshod practice.......... imagine if in the procession they would have been harming others!!! (Being a fellow countryman you should share our grief!!!).....or if the coins wouldn’t have sufficed our Gods!! (You believe so??.....go on!! Give something new to us!!!)
